safe

ive relaxed and am resorting to not being a psychopath anymore :)

i have UO denim leggings, they are so nice but i will never be able to wear them out due to odd figure which doesnt allow for them. i also have a cute UO blouse from the sale which looks nice with them. i actually love UO. its so overpriced and that sort of makes me like it more, which is rediculas. stupid desirable brand name.

its the wierdest thing realising i dont have school. no more gravel times with ana and nadia and their advice which definately definately works. yesterday i had my first sober kiss since i was 15, i behaved like a complete idiot with all the cringing and general dying. i had a dream last night that we kissed in a hedge and these killer badgers chased us. i need to stop having dreams about him and telling him, its been a total of 4 now. so now im thinking, cant wait for gravel times to tell ana and nadia! but then its like, o thats not going to exist.

also my dad owes me some high heels. i would go for kurt geiger but they remind me too much of something anoying so thats a neh. there are no good shoes in the shops just when i have the opportunity to own some. webcam picture, cuz i felt like it and my nails took ages:

also

"Im reading my leavers shirt in bed. Your mentioned on it like 4 times. One in massive letters. So yer. Its defo for the best that we see/go out purely based on the shirt."




- Ahimsan; says:
i still remember how to split hydrocarbons

behaviour says:
hahaha

behaviour says:
how

behaviour says:
ooh

behaviour says:
is that that fuck off machine

- Ahimsan; says:
long chain hydrocarbons split up with fraction distillation

behaviour says:
YEH

- Ahimsan; says:
TOO SICK

behaviour says:
LOVE THAT SHIT

- Ahimsan; says:
innnnnit

ive never actually found myself in may before?!

We'll make necklaces of scrapped metal and some loose twine

We'll try our hardest to finish three bottles of cheap wine

Because we both know as we get older our taste will improve

But for tonight let's pretend we've got something to lose

Two stabs to my side
I'm screaming through this smile

That I'm so happy you're happy

My fingernails are what scarred your hardwood floor

As I tried my hardest to leave my mark

As I dragged myself out your door

Because I know as I get older my taste will improve

But for tonight, I'll pretend that you will do

Hey beautiful, you're not beautiful

(6 days of actual school left, then i escape!

apart from the month-and-two-days of exams left

and the overwhelming pressure to actually get into university

not mentioning the lack of control in my life anymore

and the adrenaline which literally hurt$

today had great convos with nadia and ana,

who have instructed me to ignor the boy. difficult.

difficult to try and show someone whos ignoring you

that your actually ignoring them too

itd be easier to go crazy, im such a novice, my instinct

is never ever wrong, and this worries me.

i clearly cant even compose my thoughts enough

to blog them at all. hello rambles. enjoy.)

i get clingy to my family when life confuses me too much

here is me and brother:

noooo

cba for literacy. EVER. AGAIN. cba to actually sound cool or normal or vaguely non psychopathic on this blog either. so fuck it. okay I have bare good instinct it seems. so does everyone. why dont i just listen to it? mmmmi feel so sorry for my immune system with all the poisonous stress im inflicting onto it. hhhhhsbvhow does one destress?ahgoing to sprint down the roadgoing to knife self in the face etc etc.

i remember lying in the front garden in the gravel in the rain for literally 40 minutes once.