raise your weapon

bright colours in 2007 and more pink in 2008

you talk so loud that it calms me down

suga suga suga

jessie j is so fucking buff

even though it makes me feel a bit ill when anyone grabs their crotch

believe in me

i have time on my hands, lets not lie

so im going to start taking photos of what i wear day-to-day

they will be photobooth snaps so not very good quality

and im sure makeup will be rare

but here we go

if you click on the pictures they enlarge, HOW NIFTY

people id like to be

sookie stackhouse

amelia pond

j-woww

brittany s. pears

2 weeks 3 days

reblogging

for times i feel angry and cant put it in statuses

for instance, about ten mins ago: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

and becus i love this song:

you say

its all my in head

and the things i think

just dont make sense

so where u been then

dont be all coy

dont turn it round on me

like its my fault

i can see

that look in your eyes

the one that shoots me

each and every time

and i know

just how you feel

im starting to feel myself feeling that way too

'i dont want to be with you incase you die'

and

making everything into a lie

the words 'miserable' and 'burden'

and the faces of disgust

and 'get over me'

its a shame you dont know what your running from

apparantly im old enough for floral pants now

i am definately not a dedicated blogger. but i was re reading the old blogs, most of them just over a year ago. so i completed one year of university and dropped out, not even really bothering with many people for most of the year, which i do regret occasionally as i definately alienated myself. i miss one friend a lot but essentially all i wanted to do was leave despite him.

what have i been up to since the 4th of june? worrying mostly. but aside from that ive watched films with friends, explored parks with my boyfriend, seen someone who reterned from hong kong and complained about every weather scenario there was.

there has been a lack of getting drunk which often happens when there is such a long stretch of holiday (4 months). tempted to go to a croydon club in the week. not exited at all for it.

i feel a bit uninspired, at first my life was halted due to medical issues but ive recently decided to ignor that and come back to it next summer. id like to go to the gym but im never awake in the mornings and i make sure im busy in the afternoons and evenings.

ive already done this summer of nothing last year; and as i did no work all year im pretty sure any brain cells i ever had are disintegrating. new plan: get a hobby, get active and learn to spend some time alone without being forced to kicking and screaming.

im going to blog again

decided it was awesome. ive always been someone who needs to document life and for the last fortnight i havnt even been writing in my planner. and so it begins again...

i'll include pictures too.

i mean i do live in brighton,

the like worlds most 'alternative' yet somehow unpretentious city.

plenty to photograph :)

and i like reading it back

so to kick start

a photo of my fag bangle and i repping the centre parting

things i feel like typing:

- i just went for a jog along the seafront and i dont believe im ever going to recover.

- 4 days til i see my boyfriend who i havnt seen for a month. thats a longg time.

- i need to copy up statistic notes before i have to give the book back

peace out x

And everything is going to the beat
And everything is going to the beat
And everything is going

And you said
It was like fire around the brim
Burning solid
Burning thin the burning rim
Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes
You were one inch from the edge of this bed
I drag you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead

They couldn't think of something to say the day you burst
(They'll try to rely in?) for all their might and all their thirst
They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin
Against the walls against your rules against your skin
My beard grew down to the floor and out through the doors
Of your eyes but go in disguise like a sleepyhead, sleepyhead

Go ahead

safe

ive relaxed and am resorting to not being a psychopath anymore :)

i have UO denim leggings, they are so nice but i will never be able to wear them out due to odd figure which doesnt allow for them. i also have a cute UO blouse from the sale which looks nice with them. i actually love UO. its so overpriced and that sort of makes me like it more, which is rediculas. stupid desirable brand name.

its the wierdest thing realising i dont have school. no more gravel times with ana and nadia and their advice which definately definately works. yesterday i had my first sober kiss since i was 15, i behaved like a complete idiot with all the cringing and general dying. i had a dream last night that we kissed in a hedge and these killer badgers chased us. i need to stop having dreams about him and telling him, its been a total of 4 now. so now im thinking, cant wait for gravel times to tell ana and nadia! but then its like, o thats not going to exist.

also my dad owes me some high heels. i would go for kurt geiger but they remind me too much of something anoying so thats a neh. there are no good shoes in the shops just when i have the opportunity to own some. webcam picture, cuz i felt like it and my nails took ages:

also

"Im reading my leavers shirt in bed. Your mentioned on it like 4 times. One in massive letters. So yer. Its defo for the best that we see/go out purely based on the shirt."




- Ahimsan; says:
i still remember how to split hydrocarbons

behaviour says:
hahaha

behaviour says:
how

behaviour says:
ooh

behaviour says:
is that that fuck off machine

- Ahimsan; says:
long chain hydrocarbons split up with fraction distillation

behaviour says:
YEH

- Ahimsan; says:
TOO SICK

behaviour says:
LOVE THAT SHIT

- Ahimsan; says:
innnnnit

ive never actually found myself in may before?!

We'll make necklaces of scrapped metal and some loose twine

We'll try our hardest to finish three bottles of cheap wine

Because we both know as we get older our taste will improve

But for tonight let's pretend we've got something to lose

Two stabs to my side
I'm screaming through this smile

That I'm so happy you're happy

My fingernails are what scarred your hardwood floor

As I tried my hardest to leave my mark

As I dragged myself out your door

Because I know as I get older my taste will improve

But for tonight, I'll pretend that you will do

Hey beautiful, you're not beautiful

(6 days of actual school left, then i escape!

apart from the month-and-two-days of exams left

and the overwhelming pressure to actually get into university

not mentioning the lack of control in my life anymore

and the adrenaline which literally hurt$

today had great convos with nadia and ana,

who have instructed me to ignor the boy. difficult.

difficult to try and show someone whos ignoring you

that your actually ignoring them too

itd be easier to go crazy, im such a novice, my instinct

is never ever wrong, and this worries me.

i clearly cant even compose my thoughts enough

to blog them at all. hello rambles. enjoy.)

i get clingy to my family when life confuses me too much

here is me and brother:

noooo

cba for literacy. EVER. AGAIN. cba to actually sound cool or normal or vaguely non psychopathic on this blog either. so fuck it. okay I have bare good instinct it seems. so does everyone. why dont i just listen to it? mmmmi feel so sorry for my immune system with all the poisonous stress im inflicting onto it. hhhhhsbvhow does one destress?ahgoing to sprint down the roadgoing to knife self in the face etc etc.

i remember lying in the front garden in the gravel in the rain for literally 40 minutes once.